Mood

"I once read that life is beautiful and awful and then beautiful again. As we go through the rhythms of life in our early 20s, from school, college, and eventually to work, life is constantly changing and taking us to new places. We are going through several changes during this phase of our life, we tend to oscillate between several emotions. Sometimes things are going well, sometimes we feel low, and sometimes we are on a high. It is almost like being on an emotional swing. Sometimes we are on the higher end, and other times we are not. I believe that it is crucial to see it that way- to see it as a feeling that comes and goes, as ups and downs, as highs and lows. Seeing it from that perspective has helped me stay on top of my feelings and emotions. I consider myself to be very emotional. I experience emotions very strongly and often find myself struggling with extremes. Over the years, however, I have learned to sit myself down, speak to myself and observe how I feel. Realising that it is a temporary state of being has helped me experience the good and deal with the not-so-good.

I have been through a lot of such episodes. Sometimes it had to do with the matters of the heart and sometimes with work. We were all going through a challenging year with work and finances. 2020 was not a year where you could be confident about moving onto your next career move. I found myself in a state of flux, not knowing what the future held for me. It took a toll on my self-esteem and self-worth because I associated what I do with who I am. Despite it being one of my lowest points, I knew that it was going to pass. It is harder to talk yourself into it while you're going through it, but somewhere deep down, I believed it. It was a horrible place to be in. I saw myself in terms of the job that I did, which I suddenly didn't do anymore. So I woke up one day not knowing who I was, not knowing what I would do next. Literally felt like the whole world around me was going about their own purpose while I had none.

Trying to rationalize my emotions, as hard as it was, has helped me take stock of my privilege and how grateful I should be for what I have instead of what I don't while I waited for this mood to pass. Pass it did. It took a while but I found myself doing something that I loved again. What helped me through the process was gratitude—a lot of it. With the support of my family and friends, I made conscious efforts to tell myself that there was a lot more that I had than a lot more that didn't. I chose to focus on that. It was hard. On most days, it was not possible because I found myself in a very negative space. I also felt myself wallow a little bit in self-pity. Gratitude helped me make it through. I believed that if I was brought to it, I would also be brought through it. At the end of the day we are all going through our moods. Some days are better, some days are worst. So much of me growing up has been about knowing that everything passes - the good, the bad, the pretty, the ugly."